My Immortal
by AngelxRose
Summary: Zelgadis reflects on his feelings... sad...but happy ending ZelgadisxXellos


My Immortal

Disclaimer: I do not own 'My Immortal.'  It is owned and sang by Evanescence.  Slayers also does not belong to me, it belongs to its rightful owners.    

Note: I usually don't like song fics, but I just really liked this song and since I've been wanting to write a Slayers fic, here it is.  Please RxR. 

_I'm so tired of being here,_

_Suppressed by all of my childish fears…_

            Zelgadis wrapped his arms around himself; the cold air seemed to magnify his loneliness.  Sitting on top of a deserted hill, he delved into his depressed thoughts.  All he wanted was acceptance, and love, but no one can love him, not the way he was now.  He was a monster, an unholy creature that people run away from in fear.   What was the point of living if there was no one to live for?  No one would care if he suddenly disappeared, if he died… 

_And if you have to leave,_

_I wish that you would just leave… _

Amelia, Gourry, Lina, they all don't care for him.  At least not in the way he wanted to be cared for.  He wanted someone to hold him at night when he was cold, when he was sad, when he just need to be held.  He needed someone to share everything with, to share his thoughts and feelings with.  Zelgadis prayed for someone who would listen to him, who would do anything for him, who is devoted to him in every way, but it was all wishful thinking.  It was a lovely dream, the kind of things fairy tales were made of.  No one could love him that much.  But, there was him… 

_Because your presence still lingers here,_

_And it won't leave me alone…_

            Violet silk, a teasing smile, a dangerous foe, he attracted Zelgadis, although he would never admit it to the fruitcake.  Always the joking and that mysterious voice, chanting 'Sore wa hitmitsu desu' with a knowing smile, Xellos himself was a creature to hate.  No matter, he would not in a million years tell the trickster priest that he liked him.  He tried so hard to push the feelings away, to numb himself so that he would escape the pain of rejection.  But that cheerful smile never ceases to haunt him. 

_These wounds won't seem to heal, _

_This pain is just too real,_

_There's too much that time cannot erase…_

            Every time he sees the mazuko, a strange feeling blossom inside of him, a dark longing gnaws at his heart.  Even time away from the violet haired demon, he seemed to think of him endlessly, wondering where Xellos was, what he was doing.  'Is he thinking of me?'  

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,_

_When you scream I'd fight away all of your fears,_

_And I've held your hand through all of these years,_

_But you still have all of me…_

            Deny it all he wants, but Zelgadis already knew that his heart had been taken away.  But knowing and admitting were two different things.  Even though he silently broods whenever Xellos seemed too friendly to others, or that the mazuko priest didn't pay enough attention to Zelgadis.  Grinding his teeth and telling himself that he is not jealous just wasn't enough anymore.  All this yearning for Xellos was tearing his heart apart, tears glistening in his eyes.  'Don't you know I'm already yours?'  

_You used to captivate me, by your resonating light._

_But now I'm bound by the life you left behind… _ 

*Flashback*   Zelgadis was sitting in the corner, sipping his tea, enjoying the quiet evening.  Watching Lina and Gourry fight over the last leg of lamb was always amusing entertainment.  Relaxing in the soft chair, he closed his eyes in content.  This was one of the first times nothing dramatic happened, and everyone was left to do his or her own business.  Very suddenly, but not unexpectedly, a blur of purple phased right in front of him.  "Hi, Zelgadis.  What'cha doing?" The overly cheerful voice almost made Zel drop his cup of tea.  Ignoring the still smiling demon, Zelgadis went back to his tea sipping.  "It's not polite to ignore people you know?"  Zelgadis continued to pretend that Xellos wasn't there, scowl on his face.  "Hey I heard that they have dancing at the inn next door. Let's go check it out!"  Using his incredible strength, Xellos pulled him to his feet, taking the tea out of Zelgadis's hand and proceeded to drag the unwilling boy out the door.  "Xellos, let go of me…"  His voice was life threatening.  "No. C'mon, besides, all work and no play makes Zelgadis a very grumpy boy," and Xellos fought against the boy, trying to get him out the door.  He finally succeeded by carrying the thrashing chimera.  Zel had a wonderful evening dancing, although he was frowning the whole time.    

  _Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams,_

_Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me…_

As time went by, he began to like the color purple more and more.  It reminded him of Xellos.  The straight, shoulder length hair, colored in an unnatural shade of violet, yet it looked so velvety and smooth that Zel wanted to touch it.  His lips are always turned upward in an almost irritating smile, those very kissable lips, soft and pliable.  And his eyes, a clear amethyst, sparkling with mischief and life, were the most beautiful things that Zelgadis had ever seen.  'Why are you so alluring?'  'Do you find me desirable?'  

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone,_

_And though you're still with me,_

_I've been alone all along.  _

            Look at yourself, you are nothing.  He doesn't like you anymore than he likes anyone else.  Besides, he's a mazuko, can he even love?  Zelgadis turned to take one last glance at the inn the rest of the team were in.  They don't even know you're gone.  A sad smile shone on his face as he let his gaze linger on the town a little bit longer, then resume his walk away.  'I'm all by myself, I'm always alone.'  He reached the end of his life.  Looking down at the steep cliff, he prayed that this would kill him.  A lone figure stood by himself against towering gray rocks.  'Goodbye,' were his last thought before he pummeled down the rampant ravine.     

            Warm, and soft, silk tresses were pressed against his face.  Zel blinked.  No only was he not falling anymore, he was in someplace dark.  Strong arms wrapped around his stone body, and a small sigh sounded from the person holding him.  "I never thought you were so stupid as to try to kill yourself."     

            "Xellos?"  Zelgadis thought he was dead and in heaven.  Is he dead?  

            "I watched you, you know. I didn't think you would do it. God, you don't know how scared I was," Xellos's voice sounded a little muffled.  

            "Why did you save me? I'm not worth your time anyways," Zel looked down, in self-hatred.   

            "Is that really what you think, baka?"  Xellos was no longer the trickster priest, he was being serious.  

             Zelgadis didn't know what to say.  It was too dangerous to have his hopes up that Xellos would actually like him.  

            Xellos laughed. "You, my pretty, are worth all of my time, all of it.  Do you understand?  I love you, Zelgadis."  The mazuko's eyes were opened, revealing the slitted eyes.  They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, and Xellos's were filled with love and pain.  

            The truth finally dawned on him, and Zelgadis cursed himself for being so self-absorbed that he didn't see it.  The mazuko can't just come right out and say he loved him.  He was trying to tell him the whole time, dropping hints here and there.  All the teasing and mocking were just a way of showing that he cared.  "I'm, I feel so dumb, Xellos.  I thought you hated me."  

            "Never."  Xellos wiped away the strand of hair on Zel's face, getting a clear look of his features.  

            "I, think I love you too, Xellos."  Zel's voice trembled in fright.  He didn't know what this would mean.  Does it mean that he and Xellos were now together?  

            A soft touch of Xellos's lips, a caress of his hands removed any doubt that Xellos wanted him.  "Be mine, and promise me you're never going to try to leave me."  Xellos whispered in his ears.  

            Zel nodded and responded with a kiss of his own.  "I'm yours forever, fruitcake."      


End file.
